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Trump Hits Slopes In Davos, Then Says He’ll Ski For USA At Winter Olympics

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Reality In Satire

President claims that he and he alone can deliver dwelling gold in downhill snowboarding occasions at subsequent month’s Olympic Video games

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President Trump says he’ll go for the gold in South Korea, large intestine and all. (Credit score:

Upon his arrival at Davos, Switzerland on Thursday for the World Financial Discussion board, President Donald Trump instantly proceeded to the slopes to take some observe runs.

He then introduced that he would ski for the USA subsequent month on the Olympic Video games in PyeongChang, South Korea, beautiful the gathering of world leaders and distinguished businesspeople.

“I and I alone am able to bringing dwelling the gold for America on the 2018 Winter Olympics,” claimed the president. “I’ll defeat all the opposite shithole nations on the slopes, particularly the Rocket Man’s kimchi skiers, as I’ve the most important poles.”

Six-time Olympic medalist Bode Miller says that Donald Trump “appears to be like extra like a sumo wrestler than a skier, however I haven’t seen him on the slopes but.” (Credit score:

Requested how he anticipated to compete with athletes 50 years youthful who’ve spent years in intensive coaching to organize for these video games, Mr. Trump stated, “I’ve the perfect genes, essentially the most unbelievable genes on the planet and, possibly you didn’t hear, the White Home physician simply known as me the fittest president in American historical past.”

Snowboarding analysts who had been requested concerning the chance of Mr. Trump being a formidable contender in opposition to world-class skiers within the Olympic downhill occasions scoffed on the concept.

“He’s extraordinarily fats,” stated one. “The wind resistance alone would dramatically scale back his downhill descent.”

“It is a joke, proper?” requested one other. “He’s not an athlete, he’s a slothful sofa potato.”

“I don’t care how good his genes are, he’ll be nothing however a heap of damaged bones and orange offal by the point he will get 10-feet out of the beginning gate,” remarked a 3rd.

Donald Trump informed pals lately that he thought he was in the perfect form of his life. (Credit score:

Some are speculating that the president’s insistence on becoming a member of the U.S. Ski Crew in PyeongChang is merely a ploy to stay in a foreign country for a number of weeks to keep away from questioning by particular counsel Robert Mueller’s investigative crew, simply as it’s closing in on him.

However the White Home insists that’s not the case.

“Now we have been saying for months that President Trump goes to ski for the U.S. Olympic Crew subsequent month, you folks simply haven’t been listening,” stated White Home Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Wednesday. “After he obtained his bodily final week, we stated once more that this was primarily to clear him for participation within the video games, keep in mind?”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders insists that she informed reporters months in the past that the president could be competing within the Olympics. (Credit score:

Ms. Huckabee Sanders added that after the president wins gold, he’ll in all probability stay abroad for a number of extra weeks, touring Southeast Asia to do the discuss present circuit and discuss his snowboarding dominance.

“He could even select to dwell outdoors of the U.S. for a time frame to permit lesser nations to soak up the magnificence of his gold medals and admire how nice America is once more, all due to President Trump.”


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